Introduction

I found out about my husband's pornography addiction and emotional infidelity 2.5 months ago. We have been married for about 4 years and dated for 2 years prior to that. He never told me about the addiction, and he never planned to. I discovered it literally through the grace of God, and for that I will forever be grateful.

As part of my personal recovery, I have started this blog to share my experiences as I attempt to heal from the wounds of this betrayal trauma. I am joining in a vast community of women who are suffering similar trials with their husbands, boyfriends, brothers, or sons. I am a writer, and as such, writing helps me process and understand my emotions. It validates them and gives them voice. I have been journaling throughout this process, but I believe it is time to begin sharing my experiences in the hope that some woman (or man) somewhere may find even one sentence that helps heal them or gives them hope.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am LDS. I am Mormon. (these all mean the same thing). I am a Christian. My faith is central to my recovery and will be discussed I am sure in great detail on this blog.

I am also a mother to a sweet, special, 11 month old boy, and his presence in my life heals me. Although my ability to mother has definitely suffered as I have suffered for the past 2.5 months (is that really all it has been?), I am grateful to have him, and I hope one day to be the mother he deserves. He will never know how much his love has strengthened and healed me and the extent to which his very existence has saved me from the depths of despair.

Above all, I am a woman. I know that many women in my situation identify themselves as WOPAs (wives of porn addicts), and I completely respect them using that acronym. However, in my personal journey I find it essential to I define myself as an individual and as a divine daughter of God and not to identify myself in terms of my husband. I have been doing that for far too long.

It is time for me.

Thank you for joining me on my healing journey.