"No one ever said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard." ("The Scientist" by Coldplay)
"Our love is not the light it was" ("How Come You Never Go There?" by Feist)
Anywho. I just spent the last 20 minutes dancing my heart out alone in my room. And it felt. so. good. to express myself, my hurts, my hopes, my joys, through dance. I love dancing. And it helped me get closer to learning something (I daren't imagine that now I have learned this lesson and it's going to stick this time and I'll never need to relearn it again).
I don't have to be the world's best dancer to dance my heart out. I don't even have to be a GOOD dancer to dance my heart out. If dancing makes me feel things that I want to feel, then by golly let me DANCE!
I am a perfectionist. I hold myself to impossible standards (because I'm a human being and I am not perfect. How's that for a contradiction). I have such a desire to express myself creatively, and I've always felt like Heavenly Father was cruel in blessing me with such a strong desire to be creative but no remarkable talent at anything. It's incredibly frustrating. But it doesn't have to be.
I don't need to write good poetry to write poetry. I don't have to dance like the people on SYTYCD to dance. I don't have to be a great painter to paint. And I don't have to be the prettiest girl in the room to feel confident. It's related. You'll see.
Life isn't about comparisons. It's not about being the best. It's not even about being better at anything than anyone else. Life is about finding joy. It is. I promise. And tonight, I felt joy. It was a nice respite from all the un-joy.
What do you love to do but you stop yourself from doing because you don't want to fail or you think you're not good at it? Do it. Go do it. Go _________ your heart out. It feels so good.
So glad you found a happy place, if even for a short time!! Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the empowering words. As a wife to a recovering porn addict (hubby is under the GreatnessAhead therapy program), I badly need it. Even if my husband has been porn-free for more than 3 months and our marriage it a bit healthier than what we had last year, I am still in pain. I am still shattered and I aim to find healing. Running and singing have helped me. :) You're right, life is about finding joy. Hope I could find it too.
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